the_big_bs

Fuck

Brian

I've had an enlightenment experience. It was absolutely incredible. It was cliche how it happened, but it was amazing. I sat on a bench in the woods near campus and I began to just let my mind go and to think of nothing. I began to listen to the sounds around me and to see everything. Then, I began to feel everything all around me. I felt the bench, my pants leg, the dirt on the ground. I felt my heartbeat inside my chest and my breathing.

Then it happened. In a brilliant moment I saw the trees and they had a 4th dimension to them. They seemed alive. They seemed to jump out at me. And everything seemed like it was new. Like I had never seen the world before. And because of that, I don't think I have a reason to fear death anymore.

Brian

Time has done that, apparently.
Brian

I don't know when it's going to happen, but google is going to become the evil corporation of the future. They're laying the ground work to become the greatest entertainment conglomerate of the next age and they are going to be giant. They are going to start tomorrows TV stations and tomorrows news networks. They are going to control everything.

And they are going to change.

Hell, I use there products, but it doesn't change what they're going to become.

They are tomorrow. And it is dark.

Brian

Thank you, my love. For allowing me to do exactly what I need.

This is what I need. This is exactly what I want.

This is exactly who I am.

I'm sticking it out there. This is who I am. Two years running. I am not normal. I will pretend to be in the future to promote myself. But this is who I am.

This is my Hero. This is my true self. This is who i really am.

I am spirit. I am not blood.

I am the eternal.

Brian

Time to get some sleep. Had an exhausting day, today. Really didn't get a lot of time to just chill. I'm a little sick, to top off everything.

I think tonight will be good for sleep.

Brian

So, I like studying success. In all it's forms.

Whether it be an Olympic event, a multi-billion dollar film series or a company that went from 10 cents on the NYSE to $84 in a year.

I'm trying to crack the code in kind of a backwards way and applying it to my own life. I have the dedication that is necessary to accomplish these great things. I'm dedicated to the point that people are starting to think I'm insane (or at least they will). I know that if I want to accomplish something I will. I guess it's just coming down to what I want to do. Which is difficult because I want to do a lot.

Two questions, then:

Do I either:

1) Pick something that I'm good at naturally and polish it to perfection?

or

2) Do I pick something I know I will enjoy and will reap more benefits?

I'll give myself some time to think about it.

Brian

Glad to be finally moving towards a normal schedule again.

Got my friends, got my room.

Got a little bit of normalcy again.

Brian

I wrote on August 13th of 2007 that today was the first day of the rest of my life.

So what have I done with the first day of the rest of my life?

I got a beautiful, wonderful girlfriend

I got into the business school and raised my GPA to a 3.54

I've made stronger relationships with my friends

I found a diet that has worked for me and when i dedicate to it works wonders

I'm learning piano

I'm setting myself up for a great job and an ivy league graduated school education

In a years time, I've made some great changes and the changes won't end.

Not now, not ever. My work is never over.

Brian

Being surrounded by victory may be the reason why I've been thinking about being someone lately. I see these athletes, these stars for the day and I admire them. They work for years and years, when no ones looking, they're working. Because they want to... because they have too. There was an interview with the Superstar swimmer. He says that all he does is eat, sleep and swim.

Now, I'm not going to dedicate my life to just one thing. I'm never going to be the guy who is eat, sleep and do business. That seems a little shallow to me.

But I do admire the dedication. Swim. Five hours a day. Every day. For years.

Years.

In the last few years, I haven't kept with anything for really a long time. There are roadblocks in the way, whether it be myself or others. Others more often then not these days, which is depressing and encouraging at the same time.

But these standards are for me and me alone. I can't throw these on other people, or in this case, Laura.

She gets depressed that she's not as good as me and I try to help her, yet she doesn't seem to want it. I don't really know what she wants, though I've asked her.

She's been inconsistent. Says one thing, reacts another. I correct it the way I thought work, yet it doesn't.

So, instead of being constantly frustrated, I'm going to be very simple.

I'm not going to care. Because at the end of the day, my love for her goes beyond her goals and how she accomplishes them.

So, I'm going to let go and just let it be. If she wants help, she has to come to me.

And that's the deal, my dear.

So, anyway, back to what I'm doing.

I got a new idea: Dedication.

Everything I do, I have to be dedicated to it. And I have to do it. Everyday.

I need to plan it and do it. If I want time with Laura, I'll write in time. If I want to play piano, I'll write it down and do it. I'll leave free time and wiggle room, but it'll be there.

And I'm going to do it and no one is going to stop me.

Brian

Just setting the clock back a few days and getting ready to work again.

It's been a couple of days here and it seems that life is getting back to normal, somewhat.

I'm just happy nothing too bad happened.

Brian

Going to spend my livejournal time tonight researching the uberman sleep pattern on blogger sites.

I

I've been reading a lot online about the uberman sleep cycle and I have to say that it does interest me... a lot. Probably too much. Being able to add a few more hours onto everyday would be nice... would give me enough time to do pretty much everything I want to do.

Basically, the uberman sleep cycle reduces the total number of sleeping hours by forcing the person to take catnaps during the day. By doing this, the person gets better sleep and then is able to sleep less and more waking hours.

I like the idea... but I think that I need to do more research. Honestly, this seems right up my alley with some of the crazy stuff I've done.

Trying to add on about 28 hours to the week seems like a lot. If I do it'll, I'll have to monitor myself and see what I can accomplish. Maybe my health won't decrease. I don't know.

Maybe I'll do it some day.

Erik

I am really really really really tired. I have not been this tired in a while. I wanted to write something nice tonight, but all I can manage is writing about how tired I am.

Erik

I enjoy being inspired. I enjoy thinking that I can do anything I want. It shows the real me.

Likewise, I like things that are inspiring. They give me more hope then I can sometimes give myself.

At this moment, from this day... I want to be the inspiring light. Everyone can feel power and privileged and worthwhile. I want to be the beacon in the dark.

I

Bad day or good day, they both seem to end the same.

Bad days just seem to have a few more obstacle to bed.

Erik

I don't know what I"m looking for... I don't know what exactly it is I'm trying to see. I'm not even sure if it's real anymore.

That feeling... that feeling of happiness somewhere else. The old apartment my family once rented. The school room I sat in at age twelve. The car rides in the evening rain. They're all happy memories. They're all good. And I want to be at all of them.

But the fact remains that the only time period I don't want to visit...

Is the one I'm living now.

I love my life, but I find it kind of funny that the moment I'm in right now is wasted to another moment. Another happy time.

When in fact, right now I'm having the best time I can and I don't even know it.

What will happen is something else of interest. I'll live this part of my life, move on to the next and wish I want at this exact moment some day. Writing on my computer.

I will watch this moment like a museum relic lost and found but never to be touched again.

If only I could see this relic as the precious gem it is.

Erik

Laura seems to be doing well with my family. I'm practicing piano upstairs and I can hear them all the way from the bottom floor.

I'm really glad she's fitting in.

But I'm doing well overall. I'm getting these horrible headaches and I don't know where they're coming from. It just hurts in my skull and I can't control it. Maybe I have an allergy. Hopefully they'll stop soon.

Work is getting better. Andy, my cousin from Wisconsin, is doing pretty well. We think alike so working together isn't too hard. Laura gets alone fine too with us. We're all working on a project together and it's going really well. Hope things keep going well.

I love my life.

I

It has been a good week for me. Spent some time getting my head right at work, I've learned more and more of the piano and that is making me happy. I'm also keeping up with my journals and plans. I'm reading and I'm cutting out more unnecessary time. It's a good feeling.

I can be better, though.

I can always be better.